One Year Later: Childhood Anxiety and ADHD

It's been one year since we started down the road of diagnosis and treatment for Carson's anxiety and ADHD. I can't believe how far we have come. (If you are new, or don't remember what we went through, you can read about it here.)  Fro struggling and violent outbursts, to the best reader in his class! He loves to learn and especially loves reading, plus, the kid is a math whiz! It is such a change from last year. I really think I owe a lot of it to his teacher.

Mrs. J is amazing with Carson. She has the structure he needs, but allows the kids to have fun in her class as well. By December she figured out that if you let Carson "work for you" he will do his work too. By that I mean, he gets his schoolwork done, he gets to complete a special task to "help" her. Things like clean the white board, wipe down desks, or organize the books are his "rewards" for good behavior.

Life at home has improved too. There are far fewer fights in the home. The amount of love and affection that now flows from Carson is so heartwarming. He loves his brother and family so much. He has even made himself physically sick worrying about his brother having surgery to put tubes in his ears! He likes to snuggle and have family reading time at bed almost every night, which is something for a 6 1/2 year old!

Carson is still on medication for ADHD and for the anxiety, but he seems to be doing very well. Our only concern is his weight. He's very skinny, to the point his bones stick out everywhere. We have a follow up appointment next week to address that with his doctor.

Anxiety, ADHD, and My Son: June Update

It's been two months since we had an update about Carson and his emotional struggles. He's been on medication for the anxiety since January, and the ADHD since the beginning April.  We've noticed a difference. We notice in the evenings when his medicine has worn off, we notice days that he hasn't taken it. For us, for him, medication is necessary, but that's another post in itself.

Carson has done well on medication. He is able to sit and pay attention to a task, he doesn't bite his fingernails until they bleed anymore. His emotions are more stable. Being out of school, we have noticed a slight change in his behavior. He smiles more. He wants to hug us more. He seems more relaxed. It is a very welcome change from where we were a few weeks ago, and especially from where we were a few months ago.  We are constantly working with him on how to express himself in a healthy manner when he is frustrated or angry. We are trying to stop the behavior of yelling at us, threatening bodily harm to us, throwing things, and the such. It will take time, but we are trying.

I have to share a little bit of our success with you...A couple of weeks ago, Chris took Carson out of town for Father's Day.  A weekend away, with just the two of them. I was worried the whole weekend that Carson would act up, and they'd be miserable the whole trip. Much to my happiness, Chris said that he couldn't have asked for a better child while they were gone. Carson was polite, well behaved, and listened to him!  I'm sure it was no easy task as they were 6 hours from home, at a NASCAR race. I was so happy to hear they had a great trip and enjoyed being with each other.  Not that long ago, they couldn't stand to be around each other for more than 15 minutes! My heart swells with content when they are able to enjoy time together.

Hopefully, we are on an upward trend and have worked out the kinks for Carson for now. 

Kindergarten is Over

Last week, Carson finished Kindergarten. Now if you have followed my blog for a while, you know that we have had problems with his school working with us on his behavior and emotional problems. I would love to say that we ended the year with a plan in place and with the school working with us. That's not the case. In fact, my last email to the principal went unanswered for over a week! Now this is the guy who preached how we needed to communicate better when we had our meeting just a month prior!

I have shifted my focus to providing the best school year possible for him next year. I am exploring our other options for schooling.  So far all the other options are quite pricey. By pricey, we're talking $2500-10000 per year! The $2500 doesn't bother me, and really I would have no problem taking him to that school except it is a 30 minute drive, the opposite direction from my work. It would be a stretch for me to get him there and get back to work in time then get back there to pick him up each day. So for now, we are sticking with the school he currently attends. I have already arranged to meet with his teacher for next year prior to the year starting so that we can work out a plan for him. If that doesn't work, I will go up the hierarchy again...ugh!

On a more positive note, Carson completed Carson with great remarks in all academic areas. He really excels in Math. He got his Kindergarten diploma last week and was so excited that he is now a first grader! Only 2 months until it all starts again!

Comparison of first day of school and last day.

School Domain Meeting

Yesterday morning I met with Carson's school for a "domain meeting".  This meeting was to determine the need for special education evaluation and services. The meeting consisted of the school's principal, counselor, psychologist, special education teacher, myself, and Carson's classroom teacher. Honestly, I'm still not sure how I feel about the way it all went.

The verdict? There will be no formal evaluation for Special Education and accommodation services at this time. I felt like they had already decided to not evaluate for services before we even had the meeting, but alas we had the meeting.

They asked me what my concerns were at the start of the meeting. I expressed that Carson's anxiety and behavior began to manifest itself more once he started school. We gave him time to "adjust" to being in school, but after 3 months of school, I had decided it was more than just adjusting to being in school.  I had requested an evaluation or a plan to be made, and for him to see the counselor then. Nothing was done. We started taking him to a counselor in January, and saw his pediatrician in late January. We requested an evaluation at that time too. I even followed up with the teacher a week later, but nothing was ever done. I told them how it is impacting him emotionally and socially as he isn't asked to play with the other kids. We don't get invited to parties or play dates. We've had to take him out of certain activities/sports because of it.

They questioned how his baby brother impacted things (not at all!), how he acted socially, how he played with others, how his school (academic) work was, was he just being a copy cat, what are his triggers, what behaviors are indicators he's getting anxious, etc. I answered, the teacher answered, then I was told my son is "a very smart boy". Yeah. I know that!  They told me to create a behavior chart...yep already did that. They said to take away privileges...yep done that too.  I told them that he responds best to positive reinforcement...they acted like I was a genius! They are going to go off that they say.

They decided to put a plan in place to address his anxiety, and to have him see the school counselor once a week...Isn't that what I asked for last fall?!?

They will be developing a plan (or so they say) to provide him a quiet "calm down" period of 5 or so minutes when they notice his anxiety increasing. The counselor is supposed to work with him to identify his anxiety triggers and for him to recognize the cues that his anxiety is increasing so he can get to his "quiet place".  As part of the plan, he will choose what behavior to work on and the time frame to do it. When he achieves it, he gets to choose a buddy to go with him for his reward (taking a letter to the office, going to the gym for 5 minutes, coloring, etc.)  The whole time they kept saying "communication is the key"....I agree but the lack of communication wasn't on my end! The principal even admitted that they dropped the ball and will be having an inservice this week to address what to do when a parent requests evaluation...a little late to help us, but at least it will help someone hopefully!

Anyways, I'm not terribly optimistic about this all, but we will see where it goes. Hopefully they hold up their end of the plan.

Anxiety and My Son: April Update

Carson has been on anxiety medication for a little over two months now. Last week we had a follow up with his pediatrician. We discussed his behavior and the little glimpses of improvement we see. Little things such as not biting his nails constantly. I never have been so excited to cut my son's nails! It was a great moment for us both, haha.  Other things we have noticed are less frequent crying spells, less "gloom and doom" talk, and better sleep! He doesn't wake up during the night and isn't nearly as restless as he had been prior to starting the anxiety medication and the iron supplementation.

His behavior is slightly improved, but the busyness, angry outbursts, and oppositional attitude still is very prevalent. He still has trouble at school, but its not every day anymore, so that's an improvement! During our visit to his doctor last week, it was decided that it is now time to treat him for ADHD as well as Oppositional Defiance Disorder. The treatment for these is the same thankfully, but it is a stimulant drug. So far after a week of medication, we haven't had any negative effects of the medicine, but really aren't seeing much improvement yet either. I wouldn't expect to see much improvement yet though, as medications like this take some "tweaking" to get to the right dosage and right medication for your child.

You may be thinking "Oh my gosh! That's a lot for a child." It is, but it's not uncommon. Anxiety or depression disorders are often found as a comorbidity of ADD or ADHD.

So this is our life now. A child on three medications, that sees a counselor every other week. Myself and my husband are both committed to only the best for our son. Stay tuned for an update to my "Parenting a child with anxiety" series later this week!

Parenting the Child with Anxiety: Part 1 - Thick Skin

     Parenting a child with anxiety is a very emotionally draining task.  Not only do you have to learn to handle your child's emotions, but you also must recognize and control your own.  This can prove to be the hardest part of the entire struggle.

     A child with anxiety will often act inappropriately in social settings.  They may act goofy, try to make others laugh, become agitated, use bad language, etc.  They are doing this to try and make themselves comfortable in the situation they are in, not realizing it may actually bring them more attention, often negative attention.  This behavior often can be very frustrating for a parent to deal with.  It can cause embarrassment, and a feeling of being watched.  Our son is no exception to this. Carson has a tendency to act out when he is in social settings, trying to make himself more comfortable.  It's very difficult to get under control sometimes, as our correction only fuels it more. 

     This behavior leads to stares from people who don't understand. Parents talking about how the child "is a brat", "needs his butt beat", "has ADHD", "is a retard (BTW I HATE that word).", or "has parents who need shown how to be a parent".  Classmates parents alienate themselves and their children from you and your child. All of these hurt deeply as that child's parent.  Yes, we have heard every one of those about our son and ourselves.  Sometimes, from people who we thought of as "friends". 

     I think one of the hardest things for me as a parent is watching my child's friends stop playing with him. He's not invited to parties, sleepovers, or fun outings. It's not his fault that people judge him. People just don't get it. They see a child acting up and assume it's bad parenting or a bad child. They don't realize there could be an underlying problem.

    I've been in tears, more times than I can count, as a result of the looks, actions, or words from other parents, from feeling judged.  Parenting a child with anxiety requires "thick skin". You have to learn to hide the hurt and emotions from your child. Unfortunately, it's not always easy to do this. A few times our son has seen me cry.  He doesn't understand why, and often it only causes his anxiety to worsen and he begins to worry that he has done something bad.  It hurts as a mom to feel like you've done wrong and that you are failing your child.
    
      In addition to feeling judged, you also must deal with the feeling of frustration that parenting a child with anxiety presents. The inappropriate behaviors can be incredibly frustrating, especially in public settings. Learning to push that frustration aside and keep a positive, calm demeanor for your child is one of the most difficult things I've had to learn as a parent.  The motivation for it however, is more than enough to make me push through. My child needs my calmness to achieve his own sense of comfort.....plus, there's always wine to help mommy relax, right?

Anxiety and My Son

At three years old, our son started biting his fingernails, then his toenails.  By the time he was four, he would bite them until they bled. By 4 1/2 he had developed a "tic" where he was constantly clearing his throat.  When he gets very nervous about a new experience he vomits. If there's change in his routine, he acts out. If you aren't doing exactly what is supposed to be done, he would get upset and tell you. For the past couple of years, we have just chalked it up to him being a worrier. Then along came Kindergarten.  *Insert dramatic DUN DUN DUN music here*

There are a couple of children in our sons class who have problems staying in their seat, using nice words, etc. About 4 weeks into the school year, our son started acting out. He cried not to go to school, he yelled, hit, said hateful things. He was coming home with a note from the teacher about his behavior almost every day. The teacher told us not to worry, "boys just have a hard time adjusting to the change of routine."  We agreed that he has always had problems with changing his routine, and thought it would pass with time.

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, we were at our whit's end with his behavior. He didn't want to go to school, he didn't want to leave home, he didn't want to leave the babysitter's house, etc., etc. He started hitting us or his baby brother, the words became more vulgar and hateful. We decided it was time to reach out for help. We asked his teacher and school for input and suggestions. Their only response was, "well Kindergarten is a tough adjustment. We could get him in to see the school counselor but that's a lot of paperwork, and takes a long time."  My reply was, "That's fine, do whatever you need to do. He can't keep going like this."

Four weeks later it was Christmas break. He hadn't spoke to a counselor, the school hadn't said another word about it. The behavior was still just as bad, with no sign it was going to improve. I decided to give up on his school for any help, and sought out professional help. We got him into a counselor who thought he had ADHD, or anxiety/depression issues. We agreed that it was possibly ADHD, as we had filled out the parent questionnaire about ADHD and it seemed, to us, like he fit in the impulsive category.

By the end of January, we saw his pediatrician. I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck when we left her office that day.  We had been going about this with the wrong frame of mind. Our son didn't have ADHD. He has severe anxiety, iron deficiency, and possible sleep disturbance. A "normal" score on the survey we filled out for him would be under 25...his score was 54.....FIFTY FOUR! No wonder he's so anxious and high strung! We saw her on a Monday, by Wednesday, he'd had labs drawn and been started on two new medications. One to help with the iron replacement, and the other for his anxiety.  She feels his acting out is his way of trying to make himself comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.  He may still have some impulsive behavior issues, but we can work on that with time. He sees a counselor every 2 weeks now also.

He still acts inappropriately, especially in social settings, but we are working on fixing one thing at a time. The hardest thing for me, is to see other parents judge my child, and my family for his behavior...but that's a whole other post for another day.