Saturday, January 26, 2013

Why am I here?

The past couple of days I have sat here and questioned my blogging over and over again.

 Often I sit and wonder... Why do I blog? Does anyone actually read this? Does it really matter what I say?

I've come to this conclusion. I blog for me. Not for my family, not for my friends. For me. I may not devote time to it every day, but when I have something to say or to share, I put it out there for whoever to see.  Blogging is my mental therapy I suppose.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I am a very high strung person. Typically I'm the smiling, hyperactive one. Truth is though, I worry about everything. Regardless of if it effects my life directly or not. I worry about things in the past, the present and the future. Lately my worrying has been pushed over the edge by my pregnancy and hormones. It's become more of a depressive state than an anxious state.  I'm defensive, angry, cranky, and so much more. I've let my appearance go. I've pushed my husband and friends away and alienated myself from them. I have to stop that.

I will make more time for my blogging. More time for friends. More time for my husband. But most importantly,  I will make more time for me and my mental health.

Chris is probably going to read this and give me heck for putting it out there for everyone. I don't care. Whether anyone reads this or not, I feel better now that it's off my chest!  If I say it on here I have to keep it up right?!

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